Finding yourself

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”

-Mahatma Gandhi

Today we visited another new colony. The colony we went to yesterday had been visited by Dr. Kumar two years ago, but this colony had never been visited by him or any RSO volunteers, so we were not sure what kind of a reaction we would recieve from them.  When we arrived, we all crowded into their community center because it was raining. It was very crowded and stuffy, but we did our best to set up our stations and create order by allowing groups of 5 in at a time. I really learned to enjoy working on the diabetes testing with the girls yesterday, we had gotten into a really good rhythm, but today I was assigned to bandaging. I was very excited to try something new and contribute in another way.

Many of the wounds and ulcers on these people were worse then we had seen at any other colony so far. I was slightly overwhelmed at the very beginning, but after I began to work and serve these people, I was able to get the job done without focusing on the severity of the wound while smiling and comforting the people I was bandaging. I began to think about them more than myself and my own selfish fears and worries. After the foot was washed our job would come in; we would look at the ulcers, apply oinment, apply gauze, and finally wrap the foot or hand to hold the gauze in place.

About halfway through our time at the colony, one man came in for his turn. This man had the the worst ulcer I have ever seen in my life, it is hard to get the image out of my head. The ulcer covered the majority of the top and bottom of his mishapen foot. His skin was discolored and rough; it no longer looked like skin. I do not want to use my blog as a place for horrifying pictures or descriptions of wounds for people to be shocked by, out of respect for these beautiful people. I wish only to help show the feelings involved and the lessons learned. I feel that for this story the details are necessary. As the man's foot was unwrapped and the gaping wound was revealed, a volunteer hurried over to wash it. Tears streamed down the man's face as a he begged Dr. Kumar to amputate it. Dr. Kumar told us that for now it would need to be bandaged, and action could be taken later. This man was in so much pain and his wound was so severe. Another volunteer and I began to bandage the wound as quickly as we could. Even though the man was in pain, he still reached down occasionally trying to help push the gauze into his wound. I tried my hardest to help him, holding his hand whenever mine was free, or simply trying to share a smile and let him know without words that he was loved. When we had finished I had to excuse myself and step outside. I needed a moment to myself to think. While inside and busy I was able to focus on what needed to be accomplished and keep my feelings in check, because there was something more important that needed to be accomplished and him seeing my own tears would not have helped. A few of the other volunteers who had been helping the man or who had simply looked over and seen came outside as well, feeling the same way I'm sure.

I've learned so much about myself through my experiences today. Just this past year I made the decision that I want to go into nursing, but I have always wondered if I would really be able to hold up under the pressure, or keep myself in check when dealing with something gory. Today helped me so much to see my own strength and my ability to stretch myself. While I was working I didn't notice the smell, or the crowd, all I could see was the beautful person in front of me, and the only thing on my mind was how I could best wrap the wound to keep in clean and secure. It is not a bad thing to feel emotional, or overwhelmed, or to cry, but there is a time and a place for everything and sometimes you need to be strong for someone else. I learned that there are more important things than myself.

I am so grateful for everything I am learning and the opportunities I am having to grow and stretch.

I'm finding myself by losing myself.

After a long but worthwhile two days and a long car ride home (which I slept through as well, except the part where we all watched Hot Rod;)),  I am grateful to be back at the beautiful Rising Star campus, I've missed my bed:)

withgreatlove,

Kenzie

p.s. This adorable little woman is 95 years old. She was constantly blessing us and smiling; she loved looking at the pictures and pointing to herself:)